Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Shit filled panties.

I am very grateful to my parents today.

 I was in a tight spot and they came to my rescue.

 Some of you may have noticed that yesterday, I had a post that had a donations button in it. I was redirection fans of my fetish videos to this blog hoping that they would be nice enough to pay me some tributes If I promised them more videos. I ended up taking that post down after a few hours because I swallowed my pride and called my parents. They were able to help me, I just need to pay them back when I get paid, so that is a deal. Woo. I was never going to make that insane amount of money before the 4th anyway.

 In a fit of panic however, I did set up an appointment to donate plasma. I think that I am still going to go to that, it will put a little bit of green in my pocket and that is never a bad thing.

 It seems that I am always the most broke in Aug/Sept and thinking about them coming around is just making me nervous. This is the tip of the iceberg. I AM GOING TO SINK....

 Around August last year was terrible for me, If some of you all recall, I did, in fact try to off myself. There were just too many problems. Money problems, Boyfriend problems, Loneliness. I was not sleeping very well. I would cry so hard that I would shit my pants. I would drink so much beer that I would shit my pants. I was so worried that I would shit my pants. There was a lot of shit filled panties to wash.

 Ugh, I would really rather not think about it, so I won't.

 I am hoping that this summer bump in the road will not be as big as last years. I though, am getting cold feet in this whole relationship thing, it seemed that it was under control when I was taking my mood meds, but now I am terrified of getting hurt that I feel like I need to push my boyfriend away. I am trying not to do so because he is a sweet lovable guy that does not have intentions of using me or screwing me... over for once.

 I am starting to realize though, that I may not be completely over what happened to me last Aug. Sure, I thought that I was when I started dating this guy, but it seems that my mood meds just put me in a tent to keep me dry. Once I stopped taking them, the cover was gone and all the rain started falling on me again.

 I intend to try to stick it out as much as possible. Just get me to October.

 I just need to make it through the end of summer and get to my favorite month and season and I will be safe...and alive and stable.
That seems so far away though.

 I still have not decided what I am going to do about my anti-friends birthday party. I am thinking, that since we are going to a restaurant first, I will wait until everyone orders their food to jet. I decided this would be the perfect time to do so because even though she would like to follow me to the other party that I need to attend, she would not just up and leave all her guest while they were waiting for their meals.

 ...I mean, at least I hope that she would not do that.

Monday, June 25, 2012

How to break up with a friend?

I have unsuccessfully been trying to break up with a friend for about a year now.  Normally I am very upfront about these things, but I feel terrible about trying to cut her off because she does not have many friends and she always tells me that I am one of her best friends.

Her birthday is coming up, and I would really prefer not to go to her party at all.  She is so picky and stuck up.  She whines about everything and makes a scene. Over all it is just an embarrassment to be around her in public because of said scene.

I am just going to go for a little while and try to stay civil.  I told her that I would have to leave early because it is also my boyfriends birthday and he is having a little shindig as well.

Why is breaking up with a friend so much harder than breaking up with some one you are dating?

I think that it is because I know that if I completely cut her off, she will take some of our mutual friends with her and some of these people, I actually like and hang out with often.


Diplomacy has never, and will never be my strong point.

Sunday, June 24, 2012

50 Shades of Gray.

I just read an article that stated that 50 Shades of Gray was banned from libraries for being too racy...I mean, I could see it banned for being so poorly written but, whoever said that this book was raunchy and hot, probably, most likely has never had sex before or has not had sex in a few years. Seriously. It is just a buncha softcore bondage and butt plugs. *Yawn* NEXT.

First I saw it at the sex shop by my house, and I thought that it could be interesting, but then, later on in the day when I was going the get groceries I saw it at Target as well as at HEB (For those of you all that are not in Texas, an HEB is like Randalls)  Talk about confusing, if this book was as raunchy as every on the internet was making it out to be, then WHY, would it be at both HEB and Target?  I have never ever seen a hardcore erotica book at either of these places. So, I bought it and...I was really disappointed it.

It was like when, a few months ago I read a book called "Loose Girl, A memoir In Promiscuity" and I also came out of that book disappointed.  In her whole sexual history, she only had sex with 40 people, to be more clear, 40 men.  She did not try to have sex with women at all, which was rather disappointing to me.  If you are going to subtitle your book A Memoir In Promiscuity then you better damn well explore your options, as well as trying to have sex with gay men and try for a 3 some or some group sex. (Been there, done that, believe me, it is not hard to get an openly gay male to stick his dick in your ass or vagina. Like all men, gay or not, they are all still slaves to warm squishy orifices) It could be though, that I am a girlboyboygirl or something like that. Gay men are always strangely attracted to me, I guess that I have some kind of handsomeness to me...

But, I digress, I am getting off track here.

Do not read 50 shades of Gray, it is not worth your time.  I can see that it would be appealing to some women, you know, the ones that have pumped out a few kids, whose vaginas will never be the same, whose husbands have not fucked them in 4 years.  It is appealing to the women that are slaves to children and stuck in the house wife position because it is all about being served. This guy wants to make her feel good in all ways that she may never have known possible...

BUT it is so poorly written and most of the sex scene sound more comical than sexy or hot.

I wish that I could find the exact quote but, it goes something along the lines of:

 "Then he stuck his 4 fingers up my ass and started digging around in there as if he lost something and was desperately looking for it"

That is the least sexy thing that I have ever seen written about Anal play in my whole entire life.


Avoid at all cost.

I think that I would write a book about my sexual escapades, at least it would be more entertaining, Strange and hilarious.

Maybe I will start it later today, after I eat these double chocolate chip cookies with some milk...

In other news, I looked really pretty yesterday.


Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Oh look, A POST!

Things are pretty terrible, granted yes, they could be way worse, but things are getting hard. Most of my worries come from finical strain.  I do have a full time job, that pays rather well, but the looming payment of my student loans makes me feel like I am drowning.

I get paid on friday, but after I pay my rent, student loans and cell phone bill, I will be left with a whole 3 dollars to my name for two more weeks.  I will just have to stay posted up in my apartment for the next two weeks and live off the few groceries that I was able to buy last payday.  The last of my money went to dog food and guinea pig food as well as guinea pig bedding.  I would hate to have to see my animals go with out food just because I made the stupid mistake of going to college.

I kind of wish I had the balls to just drop off the face of the earth and live in the forrest, eat dirt and grass and stuff...

It could be fun.

Everyone out there tells you, go to college and life will be cake once you have a degree, no one ever tells you that if you parents can not afford to pay for your college and you were not awarded enough scholarships to cover the full cost of college, that you would be in debt for life.

I read an article the other day, that said that some one with a degree ONLY makes 3,000 more dollars a year than some one with out a degree. That is nothing. My total rent for a year comes out to about 4,200 dollars...

It seems that the population is over-saturated with people who have degrees, this, in turn, makes the degree useless. Your BA or BS is new the high school diploma folks, get use to it.

In other news...

I just ate 3 corn dogs.

Exciting, I know.