50 Shades of Gray.

I just read an article that stated that 50 Shades of Gray was banned from libraries for being too racy...I mean, I could see it banned for being so poorly written but, whoever said that this book was raunchy and hot, probably, most likely has never had sex before or has not had sex in a few years. Seriously. It is just a buncha softcore bondage and butt plugs. *Yawn* NEXT.


First I saw it at the sex shop by my house, and I thought that it could be interesting, but then, later on in the day when I was going the get groceries I saw it at Target as well as at HEB (For those of you all that are not in Texas, an HEB is like Randalls)  Talk about confusing, if this book was as raunchy as every on the internet was making it out to be, then WHY, would it be at both HEB and Target?  I have never ever seen a hardcore erotica book at either of these places. So, I bought it and...I was really disappointed it.


It was like when, a few months ago I read a book called "Loose Girl, A memoir In Promiscuity" and I also came out of that book disappointed.  In her whole sexual history, she only had sex with 40 people, to be more clear, 40 men.  She did not try to have sex with women at all, which was rather disappointing to me.  If you are going to subtitle your book A Memoir In Promiscuity then you better damn well explore your options, as well as trying to have sex with gay men and try for a 3 some or some group sex. (Been there, done that, believe me, it is not hard to get an openly gay male to stick his dick in your ass or vagina. Like all men, gay or not, they are all still slaves to warm squishy orifices) It could be though, that I am a girlboyboygirl or something like that. Gay men are always strangely attracted to me, I guess that I have some kind of handsomeness to me...


But, I digress, I am getting off track here.


Do not read 50 shades of Gray, it is not worth your time.  I can see that it would be appealing to some women, you know, the ones that have pumped out a few kids, whose vaginas will never be the same, whose husbands have not fucked them in 4 years.  It is appealing to the women that are slaves to children and stuck in the house wife position because it is all about being served. This guy wants to make her feel good in all ways that she may never have known possible...


BUT it is so poorly written and most of the sex scene sound more comical than sexy or hot.


I wish that I could find the exact quote but, it goes something along the lines of:


 "Then he stuck his 4 fingers up my ass and started digging around in there as if he lost something and was desperately looking for it"


That is the least sexy thing that I have ever seen written about Anal play in my whole entire life.


DO.NOT.READ.


Avoid at all cost.


I think that I would write a book about my sexual escapades, at least it would be more entertaining, Strange and hilarious.


Maybe I will start it later today, after I eat these double chocolate chip cookies with some milk...




In other news, I looked really pretty yesterday.


See?