Shit filled panties.

I am very grateful to my parents today.

 I was in a tight spot and they came to my rescue.

 Some of you may have noticed that yesterday, I had a post that had a donations button in it. I was redirection fans of my fetish videos to this blog hoping that they would be nice enough to pay me some tributes If I promised them more videos. I ended up taking that post down after a few hours because I swallowed my pride and called my parents. They were able to help me, I just need to pay them back when I get paid, so that is a deal. Woo. I was never going to make that insane amount of money before the 4th anyway.

 In a fit of panic however, I did set up an appointment to donate plasma. I think that I am still going to go to that, it will put a little bit of green in my pocket and that is never a bad thing.

 It seems that I am always the most broke in Aug/Sept and thinking about them coming around is just making me nervous. This is the tip of the iceberg. I AM GOING TO SINK....

 Around August last year was terrible for me, If some of you all recall, I did, in fact try to off myself. There were just too many problems. Money problems, Boyfriend problems, Loneliness. I was not sleeping very well. I would cry so hard that I would shit my pants. I would drink so much beer that I would shit my pants. I was so worried that I would shit my pants. There was a lot of shit filled panties to wash.

 Ugh, I would really rather not think about it, so I won't.

 I am hoping that this summer bump in the road will not be as big as last years. I though, am getting cold feet in this whole relationship thing, it seemed that it was under control when I was taking my mood meds, but now I am terrified of getting hurt that I feel like I need to push my boyfriend away. I am trying not to do so because he is a sweet lovable guy that does not have intentions of using me or screwing me... over for once.

 I am starting to realize though, that I may not be completely over what happened to me last Aug. Sure, I thought that I was when I started dating this guy, but it seems that my mood meds just put me in a tent to keep me dry. Once I stopped taking them, the cover was gone and all the rain started falling on me again.

 I intend to try to stick it out as much as possible. Just get me to October.

 I just need to make it through the end of summer and get to my favorite month and season and I will be safe...and alive and stable.
That seems so far away though.

 I still have not decided what I am going to do about my anti-friends birthday party. I am thinking, that since we are going to a restaurant first, I will wait until everyone orders their food to jet. I decided this would be the perfect time to do so because even though she would like to follow me to the other party that I need to attend, she would not just up and leave all her guest while they were waiting for their meals.

 ...I mean, at least I hope that she would not do that.